Striking the Balance

This week, I took a two-and-a-half-day vacation. That may not sound like much, but I've been working more or less nonstop lately. So nearly three days off was a BIG deal. I willed myself not to think about work, and trust me, it wasn't easy. I was at the beach. I went swimming, shopping, fell asleep to the sound of the ocean, read books in bed and on the lawn with the waves lapping at the shore.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love what I do, and I consider myself extremely lucky to be able to do it and get paid to boot. But I realized as I was driving home that I have been focusing entirely on my work for a very long time. So much so, actually, that I had forgotten what it was like to just be me. Without the guitar and shaker eggs. I knew that making a success of my career in children's music was still a priority...but light was beginning to dawn that it shouldn't be my ONLY one. I vowed to change that.

It is now 7:15. I got home from work at 4 pm. As soon as I got home, I went straight to my bookshelf and pulled out my songbooks, desperate to find some new songs that would work with the youngest kids - 0 to 3 year olds, my PlaySpace crowd. About 10 minutes ago I looked up and realized that I was still working.

That's right, I had been working since I got home from work. And if I didn't do something soon, I might be working until I went to bed. I went to the computer to write this post...and immediately googled "fingerplays."

Oops.

Make no mistake. I am proud of my commitment to my work. I am proud of the work that I do. And I do everything I can to make each show a success. But I fear that if I don't have a life outside of it, I will place TOO much importance on each show, and my fear of any failure at all will cripple me. Not only will it zap my energy and paralyze my voice, but it will make those inevitable little flops - a missed chord here, a mixed-up verse there - make me feel like a failure as a person.

On the other hand, if I have a life and enjoy it, I can relax and have fun with my music programs instead of freaking out about whether I'm good enough. And if I stop freaking out, I have a sneaking suspicion that the result will be more fun not just for me, but for the kids and parents as well. After all, the songs I do that are the best received are generally the ones I enjoy the most.

I cannot tell a lie. I know I'll do a bit more work before I go to bed tonight. But I promise, that is not all I will do.